Lost In Plain Sight

First of all, I just want to start out by thanking those of you that replied to my email I sent out. I may not have got a ton of replies but I really appreciate the ones I reached out. Secondly, if you want to be involved in any future emails I send out be sure to subscribe to the blog. either by typing in your email when the popout pops or at the bottom of my main page.


Finally, apologies for not posting last week, I've been going through a rough patch and just didn't have the energy/ideas to put out a blog. I don't want to post for the sake of posting so I decided to skip a week.






For this week I wanted to touch on a topic I've mentioned in countless blogs. Something I struggle with constantly. Loneliness! During all these times of unknown and self-isolation, some of you may begin to deal with this as well or have already begun dealing.

The thing with loneliness is, you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. I know I do.

The google definition states "sad because one has no friends or company". I really don't think that can be blander. Of course, being alone and having no friends is lonely there's no denying that. What that definition doesn't tell you is that it's an emotion. All of our emotions act differently. It may even differ for us. Especially as an introvert, I may be content doing something one day, and the next doing the exact same thing I'll feel lonely. There's no rulebook on how to act or feel. It's a natural emotion that comes and goes.


But why?


Why? The world's population grows constantly, we are living in an age where we are more connected than ever. Whether you are surrounded by a great group of friends, no friends, a significant other, or alone. The truth is, is that there is probably something you are missing. A missing void.


Maybe you have a great group of friends and a partner who you love dearly but are still feeling lonely. The emptiness may be inside. Physically you are surrounded but mentally you feel alone. I know that feeling. The population is nearly 8 billion people, surround me by each and everyone and I'd still feel alone. The problem...connection. The missing piece. You want to be understood FULLY. Many people will get your feelings and maybe understand a bit. Not many however will understand to the exact detail you wish someone did, thus potentially making you feel alone. The expectation would be unrealistic for someone to understand you to the T.


I for one am surrounded by family, have some pretty solid friends, a dog who's my world and yet I still find myself up every night feeling lonely. Feels as if there is no escape and thus I find myself searching. I'm on all these dating apps not because I feel I need a partner especially being the introvert I am but more so trying to fill the holes my loneliness leave behind. Trying to find someone.


Add a Pomsky in that bed and you're practically watching me try and sleep.

It's a terrible feeling especially as mentioned when you are surrounded by people. It only makes it harder and hurt that much more. I hope to find someone that can at least help me to see if that is what I'm missing. I've had extremely close friendships in the past and have still felt lonely but maybe this would be a start.


Covid-19 has certainly only enhanced these emotions for me. The already lonely life is now augmented to the next level. Trust me when I say I get it.


The Problem


As with everything in life, it isn't as black and white as it may seem. What do I mean?

Well, you know I'm an introvert. Nothing wrong with that of course. Being an introvert I love alone time, most of the time I prefer to be alone. The issue occurs when you don't want to be alone. It's a hard distinction. I don't know when I will want to be alone and when not. My introverted lifestyle can lead to difficulties in making friends and socializing.

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I wouldn't change being an introvert. Just simply stating it can cause difficulties for sure.



5 Ways To Help Combat These Feelings


  • Loneliness is something you feel, it's not written in stone. In one of my previous blogs, I spoke about different ways of thinking. Earlier in this blog, I said loneliness is an emotion it is something you feel. That is the truth. The best thing to do is to accept this feeling for what it is. Someone once told me to picture myself sitting next to a river with a bunch of lily pads flowing by, each time a lily pad passes you, you pick it up and put your thought in it, accept it, acknowledge it and put it back in the water and let it flow. When you start to question everything, that is when it spirals out of control. Take that from me. So simply ACCEPT it.

  • You are not alone. Okay hear me out, we are talking about literally feeling alone, however, what I can tell you is there are others feeling the exact same way as we are. What I try and do is find 'comfort' (I use that word loosely here) in knowing that I am unfortunately not alone in feeling this way, it always gives me hope. You never know when you may cross paths with someone in the same situation as you.

  • Reach out!!! Whether you text a friend or have a chat with a family member you'd be surprised how many people you otherwise thought didn't care would be there for you. However, this isn't black and white either. I know in my case I sometimes get even sadder when I reach out to people even when we talk it almost acts as a reminder as to what could be. Sometimes I'm even scared to reach out to friends because I don't want to be the complainer. All of that said, it shouldn't hurt to reach out. Let people know how you feel and maybe they will surprise you.

  • This one is more strictly related to the world we are currently living in. If this isn't something that you normally deal with and is a new domain for you. I'd say try and keep a schedule, keep your days as similar to what you're used to as possible. Stay active, whether it be a run or walk I always find it a great way to clear my head. Facetime is your friend as well. Social distancing with friends is also a possibility just make sure to be smart about it. Comforting yourself is also always a great way of showing self-love. For me binge-watching a show is magic at making time pass.

  • Finally, I've kind of mentioned this a bunch but loneliness is temporary. In my case and maybe yours it may feel like forever. The truth is it's not. Every storm must pass eventually. Just because you feel lonely now doesn't mean that it is your future. This isn't some 11th commandment. It, of course, will require work and effort but there is something to be had from every relationship, we just have to find it. Even a desert gets rain eventually.

“Solitude is fine but you need someone to tell that solitude is fine. - Honoré de Balzac

Loneliness is a terrible feeling and is currently one of the hardest emotions I deal with. I'm just trying to find some comfort in knowing this will not last forever. I also hold on to a bit of hope that someday I will look back and see how far I have come. Remember the lily pads.


- Thinking Mans Thoughts






I've created a Patreon for anyone who wants to help and support this journey I'm on. This isn’t about money nor will it ever be. I plan to blog as long as I have thoughts running through my head and stories to tell, but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t help me in my situation. All support is appreciated but not mandatory. It's very awkward 'asking' for money especially when I don’t want it to come across like that is my intention.

If you've read all of that and still choose to support me, I will forever appreciate it

https://www.patreon.com/ThinkingMansThoughts?fan_landing=true







Thinking

Mans Thoughts

Join me on my adventure

Thinking Mans Thoughts

by Brandon Dankner

Mail: thinkingmansthoughts@gmail.com